You know for a long time now, I've been dealing with old wounds. Memories and lost hopes, I'm just burned out from all the heartache and bullshit. Not trying to sound like an emo weepy teenager but there comes a point in which a person can only take so much trauma before they don't feel pain anymore. I feel like I'm finally starting to get there. It's not a perfect solution and It's not always constant. I struggle with insomnia and smoke way too much. And on the odd really bad night I drink myself into a stupor and make really piss poor choices. I'm a bit of an idiot I know. But all I have are good intentions.
As for love I haven't given up on it but I think I'm ready to put it on the back burner. I was told recently by a very wise person that you can never be happy unless you are happy with yourself. I think that's true  
I know this really isn't the best place to talk about your personal life and issues but this is one of the few places I feel like I can talk freely. I'm a creative person and I've been using my rage and depression fueled angst as a motivator to write something true. It's also been a therapy for me during the earliest days of heartache and grieving. Poetry saved my life. I know how cheesy that sounds, but If it hadn't been for this place giving me an outlet for how I felt I might not be writing this right now.
There's no real point to rambling, I just wanted to say this. I am alive. I feel. And that I am a fighter.
I might not have any sort of romantic future which I used to think was the be all end of of life. Find a job meet someone to love who will love me back, get a house have some kids, grow old and die.
Well I don't know if that's all there is.
In fact I'm almost positive that the world is so much more crazier, terrifying and wonderful than that.
I'm living that dream.
So I'm going to say goodbye to grief and lost hopes.
Tomorrow is only a few hours away. And anything is possible then.
I hope it's something amazing.
Cheers.